John La Roche, the man who murdered his partner in a courthouse, breaks his silence
On 17 July, 1998, I killed the mother of my children in the Palmerston North courthouse. It is not the conversation starter most people would expect. But the case of John La Roche is strange for a multitude of reasons. He was 53 when he stabbed Margaret Bennellick to death in a frenzied attack in the Palmerston North courthouse. READ MORE: * Man who took part in vigilante killing of paedophile Glen Stinson declined parole * John La Roche declined early release, gets warning from Parole Board * Courthouse killer wants verdict quashed Now 75 years old, La Roche calls Waikeria Prison, where he is serving a life sentence for Bennellicks murder, home. He stabbed her to death in front of multiple witnesses as they and others waited to take part in Family Court hearings. The attack, with two knives he got during a break in proceedings, was so forceful one of the blades was bent like a z. La Roche has previously never spoken about the murder publicly, with a short video interview with police after the stabbing the only time people have heard from him. That short video was played at his 1998 trial in the same courthouse, where a jury took just 40 minutes to find him guilty of murder. But in a series of letters to Stuff , La Roche starts with admitting killing the mother of his children in the courthouse. He outlines why he killed Bennellick, his life leading up to the stabbing, why he believes he is not guilty of murder and his struggles for freedom. FROM PSYCHIATRIC NURSE TO IN-PATIENT La Roche was born John Arnott on February 14, 1945. He grew up in Levin and worked as a military policeman at Linton Army Camp. He also trained as a psychiatric nurse, going on to work at a hospital in Porirua, Levin's Kimberley Centre and Lake Alice Hospital near Bulls. He ended up admitting himself into a psychiatric unit in Hastings after concerns were raised about his own mental health while working at Lake Alice. He went back to Lake Alice, but gave up nursing as he started developing aggressive urges" towards patients, he said. His wife, who he married after breaking up with Bennellick, left him around that time. He then changed his last name and started taking paroxetine, a common antidepressant drug. BID FOR PAROLE La Roche has been eligible for parole since 2008, but has never been released . The latest Parole Board report after a hearing in May described him as an untreated offender with a history of breaching non-molestation and protection orders before the murder. He told the board he did not need any psychological help, and would only have treatment if he could be convinced he needed it. He wanted to go to a psychiatric hospital, despite an assessment in 2018 finding he had no mental illnesses. We made little progress today, the board said. He will next be considered for parole in April 2022. La Roche spent time in the Kotuku Unit for high-risk prisoners after that parole hearing. In his first letter, sent nine days after the hearing, he said he was quite unwell. He had a bad reaction" to once again being declined parole. He was being declined release because he refused to accept he was guilty of wilful murder, he said. La Roche claimed he was suffering from a form of akathisia a movement disorder when he attacked Bennellick due to a liver condition which caused him to react badly to certain types of medication, including paroxetine. Medical documents he provided showed he had a test done by Dr Yolande Lucine, a retired forensic psychiatrist. The test found he was at increased risk of side effects from paroxetine. Information on MedSafes website does note akathisia as a rare side effect of paroxetine , which leads to an inner sense of restlessness along with the inability to sit or stand still. It could also increase the likelihood of a manic episode in people with bipolar disorder, something which could be discounted for La Roche since assessments before Parole Board hearings found he had no mental illness. He also told the Court of Appeal in 1999 he was taking Aurorix, a drug which works differently to paroxetin, when he killed Bennellick. Furthermore, he told police shortly after his arrest he killed Bennellick because she was not raising their children well. THERES NOBODY I CAN TRUST Diaries he wrote from December 1996 until 11 days before the stabbing contain many references to killing her, often written like letters to his children. "Apparently (Bennellick) already has you kids back. I should go and kill her now, but I am becoming too selfish and comfortable." The excerpts, brought up at his trial, noted he had thoughts of knives and ropes. Her death was the way to get the children to a safe space, but he did not know who to get to look after them, he wrote in his diary. Theres nobody I can trust. He said he wrote the diary when he suspected he was losing his mind as a way to keep track of events. He did not want people to think Bennellick, who had custody of their children at the time he killed her, was a bad person. Margaret was not abusive to her children. FAILED APPEALS He has tried to appeal his conviction twice. One appeal alleged he should have had the partial and now unlawful defence of provocation available to him. Both appeals failed. Given the Parole Board reports and La Roches attitude to treatment, he will likely stay in prison until he dies. Spending so long in prison means coming across other long-term inmates. One La Roche mentioned in his letters was Mark Lundy , serving a life sentence for the murder of his wife Christine and their daughter Amber in Palmerston North in 2000. I thought him to be a very nasty person, La Roche said. He thought about life before the stabbing often, including poor parenting choices he made. Bennellick would still be alive if he had gone through with his first plan: killing himself after being declined access to his children. Instead, I killed Margaret. I just wish someone had talked to me before this all happened. He had not seen his children in 25 years. There is so much sadness in this world. Im glad that I won't have to live in it too much longer. Correction: This article has been updated to remove two errors, where victim Margaret Bennellick was mistakenly referenced instead of La Roche.